Nina wanted a child, but not a traditional relationship

When I signed up to Familyship in 2021, I had no idea just how much that decision would change my life. Today, the three of us live together: Steffen, Nina and our child Milo, who is now almost three years old (*names have been changed for editorial purposes).

We met in early January 2022 through Familyship, and our child was born as early as June 2023. We have joint custody and look after Milo on a roughly 50:50 basis.

In the first year, we lived mainly in my flat. When it came time to share care on a rotating basis, we decided to move in together. We aren’t in a romantic relationship, but live together more like flatmates. For our child, this still means growing up in a family unit, and that’s exactly what feels so right and wonderful to me.

Right from our first meetings, we quickly discussed the important issues surrounding family and parenting. We also went on holiday together and afterwards drew up a sort of agreement setting out what matters to us and how we want to deal with certain issues, such as religion, vaccinations or fundamental values in parenting.

I’d been wanting a child for quite some time. I’d also often wondered whether I might be able to take this step with a good friend. At the same time, I’m not really the type to be in a traditional relationship. The closeness and intimacy that society often associates with a partnership quickly feels like too much for me. However, I couldn’t find anyone in my circle of friends who could also envisage this path. So I eventually came across Familyship and looked for a suitable co-parenting arrangement there.

Nina on the pros and cons of her parenting

For me, the biggest upside of this path is quite clearly that I was able to become a mother at all. It was also very important to me that my child has a father who is an active part of his life and wasn’t just conceived through a sperm donation. At the same time, I have more freedom and time for myself than in a traditional family model. Personally, I find it hard to name a real downside. I made a very conscious decision to choose this family structure and didn’t just see it as a fallback option. Of course, we have our discussions and differences of opinion, but that’s part and parcel of any interpersonal relationship.

Without Familyship, we would very likely never have met. So the platform played a crucial role in enabling our family to come into being in the first place.

“Take your time with the search”

If I were to give one piece of advice to others hoping to have children, it would be this: take your time finding the right person. I was very lucky in my choice of father for my child. For both of us, our child’s wellbeing comes first, as does treating each other with respect. However, I’ve also heard stories where the parents have found it difficult to work together. In the end, it is often the child who suffers. That is why it is worth discussing many things openly beforehand and getting to know each other well. And if something feels off, you should take that feeling seriously and talk about it. As a woman in particular, you should be aware that you will later be entrusting your child to someone who was once a stranger. This makes it all the more important to feel truly confident about this decision.