Part 7: And now?

After all, the bang did not come suddenly. The timing did, but everything else was foreseeable. The decision to continue as a single person was already made before being single had occurred. Because everything else was there: father-to-be, friends, job, family, securities. And, of course, the desire. The dear psyche only first had to be brought from the puree back into a form with a vertical position, at best feet down and head up, but this is quite possible for an adult person and sometimes does not take so long. At least coarse mesh. Fine-tuning takes years, as is well known.

Separation of desire for children and partnership

It was obvious to me now, this separation had to happen between the desire for children and partnership, this traditional coupling, which was also deeply anchored in me. From the head it went well, from the feeling it took longer. That this went in the direction of experimentation and yet was actually practiced in exactly the same way for centuries – what about all the marriages not of one’s own choosing, from which innumerable children were born, where the parents had their actual mistresses on the side – I first had to become aware of. So is it so different for us now? Apart from the fact that we do not marry and that we name our family differently in the first place?

continue to part 8: Moscow first