How Co-Parenting Works

Susann was 35 years old when she separated from her former partner. She had a great desire to have children, he was unsure. She waited for many years for her then partner to also decide to have a child. When the wait seemed to have no end, Susann decided to separate.

After the separation, Susann did a lot of research and finally came across the family form of co-parenting. For them, completely new opportunities suddenly opened up. In their minds, a child was necessarily linked to a partnership. Now she realized that it doesn’t necessarily take a romantic love affair to raise children together.
Since co-parenting is fairly new, there are only a few “role models” so far and countless questions and possibilities. With this article, we would like to provide an initial overview of the topic of co-parenting for “newcomers”.

What is co-parenting?

In addition to the conventional nuclear family, in which a man and a woman have children on a romantic basis, there are other family forms such as the patchwork family, single-parent families (primarily single parents and
solo mothers
), the
rainbow family
or co-parenting.

is a form of family in which people come together to conceive a child (usually without sexual intercourse) and raise it in a division of labor. In most cases, the parents live in separate households. The idea is to create a family on a friendly basis (Family + Friendship = Familyship) 🙂

As with a normal friendship, co-parenting is also based on shared worldviews and sympathy. When considering co-parenting, it is therefore especially important to take enough time to get to know each other intensively.

In most cases, co-parenting consists of two parents. However, there are situations where multiple adults are involved in parenting. For example, when a lesbian couple and a man enter into a co-parenting union. Experts see this family form as an increasing trend that will become even more pronounced in the future.

The basic need for many people in their late 30s or early 40s is not necessarily to find a partner, but to start a family – even without a partner if necessary.

Sven Gabor Janszky (Futurologist)

How does co-parenting work?

Reasons for co-parenting

People choose to co-parent for a variety of reasons. What they have in common is a great desire to have a child. We have compiled some motifs of our users for you.

  • “In recent years, I have focused strongly on my career. Now I’m approaching 40, my desire to have children is growing, but I lack a suitable partner.” (Meike, 37)
  • “My girlfriend, with whom I have been together for over 15 years, does not want to have children. Therefore, I would like to realize my desire to have children outside of my relationship.” (Kai, 43 years)
  • “Sperm donation is out of the question for me because I want to know the father of my child.” (Ellen, 31 years)
  • “For personal reasons, I want to share the resources and responsibilities of parenting with someone I am friends with.” (Robin, age 38)

Getting to know a co-mother / co-father

A suitable co-mother or co-father can rarely be found in the supermarket. As a rule, suitable persons are sought within the circle of acquaintances. Alternatively there are
online platforms such as Familyship
that offer special communities where people can find each other who want to co-parent.

Choosing and getting to know a co-mother / co-father

Once a potential co-parenting partner has been found, it is important to take enough time to get to know each other. Open and honest conversations are important to ensure that everyone has the same ideas about parenting and the relationship with each other. Even if it seems a bit bureaucratic, it makes sense to create a checklist with the important topics in advance. These can vary widely from individual to individual and can include, for example, parenting style, religious beliefs, financial responsibilities, and living arrangements. It also makes sense to think about what co-parenting might look like when one of the participants meets a new partner. It should also be discussed by what means the pregnancy should be brought about. As a rule, the so-called
cup method
However, there are also cases when the “natural method” is chosen to increase the probability of conception.

After the basics have been clarified, legal aspects of co-parenting should also be examined. This can be done, for example, in the course of a
legal advice
take place. To get a first overview of legal issues, Familyship offers regular online consultations in which legal questions about co-parenting, but also about other family forms, are clarified in a group setting.

Success factors for co-parenting

During the process, it is important to have realistic expectations and show flexibility. Co-parenting requires strong collaboration and a willingness to compromise. The ability to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, and make decisions in the best interest of the child are fundamental requirements for successful co-parenting.

In everyday life, co-parenting can take different forms, depending on the individual arrangements of the parties involved. This may mean that the children live with each co-parent in turn, or that all parties live nearby and care for the children together.

Advantages of co-parenting

People who want to co-parent choose their co-partner based on sympathy as well as primarily rational reasons. These can be, for example, similar values, the same ideas about family life or similarities in parenting style. Since people don’t usually discuss these types of issues when getting to know a “romantic partner,” later conflicts over these issues are more likely. In addition, conflicts around the child can be approached with a cooler head, if conflicts of a love relationship do not have to be considered additionally.

Co-parenting also offers the potential for a more equal role for parents in this family form compared to traditional family models. Regardless of gender, they participate equally in the tasks that arise in the family.

Children of co-parenting families, which consist of more than two adults, have an additional caregiver in addition to their parents. At the same time, the responsibility as well as the financial and organizational work is spread over several shoulders.

Jennifer lebt mit ihrer Tochter in einer Co-Elternschaft

Suitable content

“The best, bravest and craziest decision of my life”.

Jennifer had a desire to have children, but no man. When she separated from her former partner, she was 34 years old. Today, she has been co-parenting for almost 7 years. For her, it was the best, bravest and craziest decision she ever made.

Click here to read Jennifer’s success story

Disadvantages of co-parenting

The co-parenting model offers benefits for both parents and children, but it also presents challenges. In particular, difficulties arise for co-parents consisting of more than two adults, as the current legislation only considers two parents. This means that, for example, one out of three parents has no official parental rights. This can become problematic when situations such as deaths or hospitalizations occur. Even everyday conflicts can cause problems, as even parents who are friends can have disputes.

A new partnership or even another parenthood may make it more difficult to remain actively involved in the co-parenting team.

Therefore, for co-parenting to be successful, it is important to be aware of the commitments that parents are making. Co-parents commit to this model for many years. Both they and the children need stability. In order to avoid potential conflicts, experts recommend carefully discussing the distribution of tasks in advance and seeking legal advice.
legal advice
legal advice.

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Fulfill desire to have children with the help of Familyship

Familyship is a platform for people who want to have children. In our fertility community, people get to know each other who all want to have a child. Whether classic family, co-parenting, rainbow family, multi-parenting or single parenting:
with Familyship your desire to have children is in good hands. We accompany you on your way to your own family.