By chance, I was introduced to the co-parenting model by a colleague and she also provided me with my co-father. I saw this as a sign of fate and took it. So I had it very easy, the man was pre-selected, works in the same company as me, I did not meet him on the Internet. It hardly gets any better than this. And so I approached the matter rather naively. I did prepare, with a long list of ideas and a bit of googling about how this might look legally, but there wasn’t really much info at the time either. Fortunately, that is different today. If you want to prepare better than I did back then, this co-parenting checklist is available to you.
As lovers we would be horrible – as parents we work really well
Our first meeting was really good, since we are colleagues there was no awkward silence or uncomfortable feeling. We discussed pretty much everything we could think of. From the last name to the care model. I with list, he completely unbiased. We agreed on all non-negotiable points, and the remainder also matched. We are very different, almost opposites, but in parenting we complement each other just right. As lovers, we would certainly be atrocious, I much too exhausting for him, he much too boring for me. As parents, though, we function really well. We didn’t know that beforehand, of course, but from a gut feeling it fit for both of us, so we got to know each other for a few more months and then got going. I thought a lot during that time, but everything seemed to fit and it really seemed like the first realistic chance in my life to have my dream child.
At some point I called him and said, “Let’s do this!” I got pregnant with the cup method on the first try, so I didn’t have time to quibble or overthink it. After the birth, everything actually worked out as we had imagined. Although everything was quite different, because planning, of course, has its limits. I didn’t know I was in for a c-section, a writing baby, a really hard year. What I find quite important in all the planning is to consider that there is a third person coming into the family. A small person, but one who has very precise ideas about what she wants. My daughter, for example, didn’t drive a car for two years, just hysterically screeching, an ordeal for everyone. If we had planned to drive them back and forth because we live farther apart, it wouldn’t have worked. What I also wouldn’t have thought is that Dad isn’t there every day, but he’s still very present thanks to new media. The little one and he talk on the phone every day via Facetime, there is always something to discuss between us as well. Even if we do not have a romantic relationship, there is an intense interpersonal relationship that may also be worked on. We rarely have differences, but even those have to be worked through and the relationship develops. Unlike in my previous relationships, however, I can set clear boundaries here and formulate my wishes better.
What I appreciate about co-parenting is the fact that I am without child for several days
Co-parenting is also subject to developments. In the beginning we wanted a 60/40 distribution, but due to different factors like Corona, Kita and the will of the child we are now more like 85/15. Since this is feasible for everyone, it’s okay at the moment, but if I had to work more, for example, it would already be an organizational problem. So at the moment only my personal free time suffers, but I have learned to appreciate it very much. Because as much as I love my child and as little as I could imagine being separated from her at the beginning, I appreciate the fact that I am sometimes without my child for several days in my family model. She is well taken care of at her dad’s and I can have time to myself without a guilty conscience, in my apartment, relaxed, with enough time to recharge my batteries.
“Mom, we’re a family just like everyone else.”
Absolutely unexpected and not included in my planning at all was a professional development. Since I really like my job as a flight attendant, I never thought anything would change in this part of my life. But after my blog about co-parenting has been so successful, I now counsel single people who want to have children as a psychological counselor. My accidentally found family model has become my vocation. Let’s see how it will be when our daughter starts school next year, that’s our next big step. The rigid structure of the school will certainly bring completely different challenges again. And how does my daughter see our model? “Mom, we’re a family just like everyone else.” For them it makes no difference whether we are or were parents in couple. Her family is just like that and just right for her. Family is just where people love each other, support each other and share their lives.
