I had a hair fall out the other day. It was about 25cm long and snow white. I tried to imagine how long this hair might have existed on my head. I looked in the mirror. Every day I see myself unchanged, more or less. Still, I know Milla is getting older, I’m getting older,…

It was not planned. Further texts should now truly not arise, because I still find it a bit creepy to make a part of my life public. For example, in the past I’ve bumped into strangers at a child’s birthday party who unawares reminded me of a detail of my life – that they knew…

One of Gianni’s good friends, Paul White, once said: everyone should have a friend like Gianni. I don’t think there’s anything to add to that. Everyone should have a friend like Gianni! I thank Gianni Bettucci. And to my parents of course! What would I be without them? And to my friends who always have…

Kita: 17.09.2014. X Day.The Italians said to it: La pancia e buio (it’s dark in the belly). Remo Largo (famous pediatrician and, by the way, also Italian) said: put the children in the cribs! And my feeling said: out with you, you little worm, walk into the world!In fact, I was excited and calm at…

Your wife, they said to Gianni. Your husband, they said to me. At first we didn’t really know what to say about it then, and sometimes we still didn’t know later. Gianni, however, had fun finding out. Tried and tested was: we are not a couple. Uh-huh. We were never one either. Ahaa. We are…

It used to be different. If you woke up and your throat hurt, if your muscles were heavy and the thermometer showed something you didn’t like, you probably had pulled the covers back over your head and thought, hey, one day without feeling guilty about not going to work. Now you thought rather, all right,…

Italy up and down. In the meantime we were here so often that the view for the small pretty trivialities almost got lost. We lived with and belonged to it and yet not. At least I don’t. I felt the constraints that a daughter-in-law could get into, and yet I remained a guest, because that’s…

1. For me, the fronts are clear. I am a lesbian. I am single. Gianni is a good friend. We never had sex. My environment knows that. Sometimes, I have the impression, I have to justify that Gianni and I get along well. Sometimes, it seems to me, I almost have to prove that there…

… was already spring-like and housed us for two months. A daily routine set in. Lots of fresh air and lots of alone time. The other mothers had older children and had mostly returned to their desks. A week to the grandparents. Milla began to slur her words and because she was so fond of…

Kaoshiung, Taiwan. The sun was shining behind the clouds. This was advantageous, even so we reached tropically humid 30 degrees, which immediately put a damp film on the skin when we first stepped out of the air-conditioned airport. It was dark when we arrived, neon signs with Chinese characters on the side of the road,…

Quickly meet all friends once. continue to part 33: Third tour

Paris. The sun was shining. I had to sleep for two days and forget the vacuum cleaner and laundry again. Milla slept just as well and for the very first time no longer in my arm, but next to me and already in front of me and I could turn back and forth on the…

In Berlin now an almost ready to move into apartment, again WG with Gianni for a few days and then came my parents and in a heave action boxes were unpacked and furniture screwed together. It had to happen quickly. In a few days the second tour began. continue to part 31: Second tour

Florence, Rome, Milan. By cab to the airport. We just had too much stuff for the commuter rail. With the stroller to the gate. Put on seat belt and receive life jacket for babies. Milla looked into a book, eventually fell asleep, and after landing, she yawned once hard. That was it and we were…

These twice first weeks were limited and ran involuntarily towards the great upheaval. The upheaval brought an end to being in a cave and had been the topic for months, the move. The plan was for both Gianni and I to move, to two apartments next to each other, connected with a breakthrough so that…

Our premature baby thrived diligently and steadily. Even though it took some time from 1490g to discharge, eventually our big day came too. From the microcosm with hand disinfection and sorting into the pecking order hospital into the big wide world it should go without traffic jam in the evening and in the dark. The…

The first time in the premature infant ward was tough. Between feeding, diapering, washing, pumping milk sometimes only thirty minutes remained and there had to be showered, eaten, slept, walked, there came visitors and oh yes, apply for birth certificate, child support, parental leave and parental allowance and maternity leave also took place.Postpartum gymnastics and…

You would think that today motherhood would be something modern in the traditional, something that fits into 2014. There is parental leave and parental allowance, daycare vouchers, childminders and the tried and tested grandparents. And that’s great. I never once worried financially when I wanted to have children. We in Germany can consider ourselves damn…

Social networks worked, no matter what you called yourself. Cousins, uncles, grandparents, neighbors, friends, colleagues, bowling buddies and former fellow students, they came by, called and sent packages, at least a few lines. And the head, that stood somewhere and yet you were happy and everything else for the time being beside the point. Only…

Contractions are no fun. No matter how big the child is. Not even in rosy hindsight. The experience of birth, however, is one of the most impressive in my life. Two eyes, a forehead, the hairline, behind it black sticky wet hair, an open mouth, toothless and again and again this forehead, somewhat flat and…