They brought chocolate, did laundry, came by every day. In the maternity ward. After the water broke. Suddenly. Eight weeks early. And at the hometown to boot. The birthday of your own mother. It should be the last family visit before the birth preparation course. But it was still in the belly. With it all…

Outside the window, the first day had begun with continuous rain and a wind that still pulled through the autumn jacket. I started sneezing and felt the need for cinnamon stars and ginger tea. It was clear, it’s autumn.A strange feeling came over me, because autumn meant that Christmas was not too far away and…

They were very happy about their first grandchild. After initial skepticism, they bought mattresses and sheets and child seats. And I was very happy that they exist, these parents. continue to part 21: Autumn

Sometimes it’s hard to convey that this is exactly what was wanted and a free decision that I don’t regret and is one of the most wonderful things in my life that I’ve ever done, that I’m insanely happy and this child is not the stopgap for a failed partnership and that there is certainly…

A long topic, because often discussed, much thought about it, dreamed about it, in a good mood and drenched in sweat, faced difficulties, solved problems and created new ones and still one of us lived in Prenzlauer Berg and another in Wedding. But our plan was to connect two adjacent apartments, which in fact already…

Writing about pregnancy is idle, there is tons of material on the net, in books, from friends and mothers. Just so you know, I too had to throw up, for four months and yes it did stop suddenly and yes good months followed. Those that came after were more arduous, anticipating a bit of an…

If you held the test strip diagonally against the light, you could guess that a line appeared there – next to the control line. The next day it went without slanting and the following day even in the twilight. First with the ovulation test, then with the 10 pregnancy test and finally also with the…

Then another cycle and now it was unlikely. Our two lives made a new life impossible in those four weeks. Never mind, try anyway. And then another full moon and I thought jump, jump, jump and ovulation came but way too late and I was frustrated. And I think Gianni does too. We decided to…

Wait. Test. Negative. This cannot be. Test again and again and just wait a few more days. And then the certainty and the shock. How can that be? Fucking shit! Two weeks of smoking and drinking and dancing again and then again and in the meantime even less exciting, but more consuming. It did not…

Wait. Test. Negative. This cannot be. Test again and again and just wait a few more days. And then the certainty and the shock. How can that be? Fucking shit! Two weeks again smoking and drinking and dancing and then again and meanwhile less exciting. Shall we go for a coffee? Good. An hour later,…

In Berlin one day rest from each other, then another try, right after breakfast. Lie still, feet up. In Berlin, it was less exciting, but somehow also more comfortable. Then back to work. How was your trip? Super! Moscow is really worth seeing, the huge streets, the high houses, this icy cold. Quite an experience….

We walked on and on and I became more aware and conscious that this was indeed the right path. Step by step we became more sober. One last cigarette in front of the hotel, stepping from one leg to the other. At the reception our question about vodka. We were told in a friendly but…

The night was sleep-deprived and the morning tired, Red Square freezing cold and Lenin not to be visited today. In restaurants that looked like living rooms, a Berlin feel only different. Big city in the snow with smoking chimneys in front of azure sky, whose color was dull. Gianni lost his gloves. We shared, sometimes…

We sat on the bed, each on one. We had one more evening until then. We tried to pretend that we were ordinary tourists. Until I had to admit I hadn’t even read in my Lonely Planet. It was about something else and that was in the air and that was just madness and was…

Two months later. With a travel backpack on my back, I walked through the aisles of Berlin’s Tegel Airport. Tocotronic on the ears, Saturday is suicide. That’s a different site, I thought, checked my luggage and headed for the gate. The plane was half empty. It was January. A window seat and I was happy…

After all, the bang did not come suddenly. The timing did, but everything else was foreseeable. The decision to continue as a single person was already made before being single had occurred. Because everything else was there: father-to-be, friends, job, family, securities. And, of course, the desire. The dear psyche only first had to be…

At some point, the data became dull and if it hadn’t gone further, it would probably have stayed at a hey, and what do you do. So we set about getting to know each other (man 3). Dinners with friends and alone, at home and in restaurants, parties, short vacations, walks, movies, theater, museums, reading…

Man 1: down-to-earth, educated, wealthy. We were nervous, as if it was about the great love. The first phone calls with a shaky voice and a slip of the tongue in every other sentence. The first meeting was a hit. Coffee and cake on an outgoing summer day. Hug at the end, yeah sure, next…

It was always dark. It was always after the job or weekend or before the job and continuously later fall. What flickered were our monitors. Teacups, coffee mugs, empty cigarette packets on the table. Next to it, stacks of paper with sketches, organizational charts, calculations. I discovered my biggest love-hate relationship when creating terms of…

It wasn’t all pretty, no, it was this up and down within the bounds of normal – whatever that might be. One evening, sitting on the sofa, a definite feeling came over me: I want a child. More precisely: my body wants a child. Now. Soon. No, right away. The mind also quickly agreed and my girlfriend saw it the same way.